The Truth about communicating confidently

One thing I’ve noticed over the last 18 months with my 1:1 clients, my masterclass community, my podcast listeners or my IG community is that everyone has the same goal when it comes to communicating.

To build their confidence.

Don’t get me wrong, this looks different for every individual. For some it means being able to express how they feel with their partner, for others it means being assertive at work as a senior leader and for some it means creating boundaries with their friends and family. The way you communicate is the way you express yourself to the world.

Confidence means seeing your own worth in your abilities but over time this may have significantly dropped as a result of your experiences and past traumas. This could have included a teacher repeatedly criticising you at school, a partner giving you silent treatment or a boss treating you unfairly at work.

These all have an impact on how you feel about yourself.

And over time you’ll develop limiting beliefs that soon stop you speaking up work, that feed the guilt when you say no to a friend and perpetuate the fear that saying what you need will trigger a negative response.

SO WHAT CAN YOU DO ABOUT IT?

There are endless ways to help you rebuild your self-belief so you can show up as the person you want to when you’re communicating. And the more you focus on valuing yourself, the easier communicating is going to feel, whether that’s personally or professionally.

This week I’m sharing 3 techniques to help you get started, because you deserve to share your ideas and thoughts with the world in the most authentic way to you…

Recognise your strengths

And celebrate your wins. If you’re reading this newsletter there’s a pretty good chance you’re here because you’re an overachiever. And whilst I’m not usually a fan of labels, this one’s important.

As an overachiever you’re used to excelling, usually getting things right the first time and thriving because you work hard or the desire to prove yourself keeps you going. However, one thing I often find in working with my overachievers, is the lack of desire to acknowledge what they’re good at. But if you want to build your confidence and feel good communicating then this is a must.

Start by making a list of what you are good at and what you value in yourself. Pick the areas of your life where you’re struggling to communicate the most.

Challenge your negative beliefs

Your beliefs have formed as a result of your experiences, your inferences or the beliefs you’ve adopted from other people. However, they aren’t always true. Identifying your beliefs is step one before you can then challenge them. Start taking note of the negative things you’re saying to yourself and write down evidence that contradicts this.

Develop your assertiveness

I usually find that my clients are communicating assertively in some areas of their life and not others. And whether they find it hard to push back, say no, or express their needs, this will be where there’s a block or belief holding them back.  

Get honest about the area of your life you find it hardest to be assertive and say what you mean. Start finding small ways to speak up, express your opinions or say no in your everyday life. This could be as simple as asking for the window seat in a restaurant. Start incorporating this into your everyday life.

I’ve shared a journal prompt, so take 5, grab your phone, a notepad or record your thoughts on an audio and spend time reflecting on this question…

“WHAT NEGATIVE THINGS ARE YOU SAYING ABOUT YOURSELF?”

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