Why is Self Love so difficult?

Loving yourself is about learning to accept your whole self. This means even the parts of you that feel hard to like, let alone love. Learning to love yourself is also how you value yourself, know your worth and when you don’t, the way it impacts how you show up at work or in a new/existing relationship.

Learning how we love ourselves means being mindful of the way we speak to ourselves, embracing our emotions and letting go of trying to have it all together. It’s trusting that we can let the emotions in, without them consuming our whole entire being. It’s not about judging ourselves harshly or being critical of our feelings. It’s about giving space for us to simply be, without the need to fix ourselves.

But why does it feel so much easier to be kinder, softer and more compassionate to the people we love, except ourselves?

This week I’m sharing my reasons why it can feel at times like an impossible task to love, value and feel like Loreal said, “that you’re worth it”...

THE NEGATIVITY BIAS

Our brains have been hardwired from an evolutionary perspective because being alert to danger once served us. In today’s world this is less so. And it means as humans we hold onto the negative, mean, nasty comments people say to us, when they told us we were stupid for not passing an exam or your crush called you ugly when you were 12 years old.

A LACK OF SELF ACCEPTANCE

As we grow through life we’ve experienced negative comments, situations and conversations that over time chip away at our self worth. And as this erodes we become highly critical and mean to ourselves whether that’s for not being slim enough, not having a better job of being financially stable. So we fall into the trap of comparing ourselves and holding ourselves to a standard that not only isn’t realistic, but also isn’t our standard. It’s the one we think we should attain because of society, our caregivers or our  teachers.

WE DON’T TRUST OURSELVES

You’ve allowed the constant doubt to creep in, to question if you really are as good as you think you are and instead of listening to the quiet voice reassuring you, you listen to the latter. And so you go on a quest to prove yourself, to be better than someone else and live THE perfect life so you can feel good enough. And I hate to break it to you, but I promise this isn’t the route to learning how to love yourself.

If you’re ready to draw a line in the sand and finally learn exactly how to embrace who you really are, click the link below to listen to this week’s solo podcast episode and I’m going to share exactly how you can change this.

As always, I'd love to hear what's helped you, what's resonated and what you want more of, so drop me an email hello@amiras.co.uk or drop me a DM @the_communicationexpert.

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